2019 is finally here, and I think I’ve gathered enough to wanna cross over and leave 2018 behind. I cannot begin to tell of the blows and lows that left my neck hanging way too low in 2018, but then again I cannot lie that I’ve not always had a slay come over for my rescue (even though I didn’t always hop in).
Helloooooo loves. I’m back! (talk of a creative break – more like a breakdown, but you get my point. 😁)
I found myself battling with my life’s worth, wondering why I needed to keep on (not just about writing but more about having a life that’s worth living) Some of y’all think that writing is something you do with your eyes closed, until you have an audience that actually do read your work (no, I’m not complaining – I thank you for stopping by today 😍). It’s one thing to look at the few steps I’ve made ahead, but unless I decide to be blind and ignorant, there has been a lot more that dragged me backwards. In fact, just as I am here wondering how to do 2019, people are busy reviewing how their 2018 reviewing how their 2018 was – balance of life, huh!?
But now it’s here! A new year, a chance to start again! The worst part is that it’s not giving anyone a room for opinions – you cannot opt out of 2019 because it’s already here… But then why should I even bold up and do it differently? Why should I try to have a happier year?
I will not lie that I have lost friends in 2018, cause if anything, I’ve made pretty amazing ones. But then in the very process, I lost myself trying to find friends, opening up to love, and bracing for elevation. And right now, it’s a happy time to celebrate, but not so much for me. I don’t have half the energy to push people through while still pushing me.
Why bother trying?
As I write this, I promise you none of it is working for me, but I think you may find worth in it… And soon enough you can return the favor and lean back to get me on board 😔.
The reason is simple – there is so much more.
…(take a moment to take in those words)…
There is more that is bigger than life. More that we are supposed to mean to others more than to ourselves.
Lemme break it down for you…
- It’s not about you
More than once I have worried why I had to do way so much for too little. I felt like I was giving too much and receiving too little. Like I was loving too much and getting nothing but hate and rejection every so often.
But what if that’s the point? That everything is supposed to be bigger than life. That everything is supposed to be about everyone but ourselves! What if we were meant to give and not to receive? To love instead of be loved. To serve instead of be served? To do more than to order?
If that was it, then everything would make sense. Then all this hollowness and isolation even in the presence of so many would make sense.
Cause maybe we were meant for more. Maybe it’s never even been about you. Maybe you are in position for someone else (you know like how John the Baptist had to do things for Christ?)
Maybe that’s it!
Our anticipation for more should be for others more than for ourselves.
- You are never alone
It’s easy to look at the lows of life and think that you are doing them alone, cause let’s be honest, you are literally on your own at such times, but then that’s never the whole story.
Someone around you is having to go through some rough patch because of you – sometimes you haven’t met that person yet… Let me take you back to a story you can understand or simply recall from Sunday school…
Back in the day, when the Israelites were fed up with a life of slavery, they turned to God in prayer. At that point, it would have been reasonable for God to respond to their plea in person, but we all know this God too well. While the Israelites were getting frustrated of the wait, God was talking Moses into the mission (SMH). And what was Moses doing? Fighting his destiny! He was coming up with reasons why he wasn’t fit enough for such a task. He wasn’t ready to go back and face the Pharaoh (after everything he had done!).
So yes! It’s unfair that you are in a rough patch feeling all alone, but honey, that’s not the whole story. Life is a web of networked and connected people – all of whom are supposed to mean something in your life. Bottom line, you are not doing life alone!
- Help in on the way
Clearly, someone is somewhere with what you need – all of it! Even so, it doesn’t mean that they are aware they have what you need, or that you have a way to speed up their coming.
All you must know is that help is on the way. For some it’s on a plane, others on a bus, others on a train, some walking, and unfortunately or fortunately, for some it’s crawling or learning how to walk.
The problem here now becomes that you are also someone’s help. And now that this got us here, tell me, have you thought of taking that help to it’s destination? I bet not. As you are worrying for your stagnation, believe me you are stagnating more than yourself. You hold a solution to so many, but I guess you are still learning how to walk🚶…
Everything is bigger than life itself.
You’ve come a long way into the decades of life to know that nothing is what it seems. In the smallest of ways you are big to someone and to something. In the tiniest of remarks you create and you break. In the narrowest of paths you lead and pioneer. In the dimmest of lights you rekindle and ignite. In your most impure human form, you provide the purest kind of love and warmth to a human that needs it. That should be reason enough…
And come to think of it, that makes us bigger than life…
So yes, you don’t have to feel great and ready for the new year – but you can feel bigger!
Feel bigger than the fails. Bigger than the losses. Bigger than the fears. Bigger than the mountains. Bigger than everything you thought was worth a hurt.
It’s by feeling bigger that you find worth in life. You know how useless you’ve been feeling so much that it’s made you work twice as hard to get the right audience attending to you? That will disappear when you feel bigger.
And then, when you are feeling bigger, then bigger and better will show up.
PS: let’s be honest here – bigger is not about you. Bigger is in whom you carry inside of you, and if you are certain He is bigger, then your smile should be so much more… ☺